Blink.

It was Tuesday. I had just left the Children’s Cup office in Prarieville. I had a meeting with the director, Ben Rodgers, about a television spot I would be filling in for him this coming week on Channel 9 about the Kids Christmas Parties we throw in Swaziland. We know a gal that works for Channel 9 from Healing Place and she is doing a mini interview to push the Christmas Parties for awareness and funds support. Ben and his family will be in Disney World and he asked me to do the broadcast because he and his brother-in-law, who would normally cover such things, will be out of pocket. I obliged for 2 reasons. The first is I never tell Ben “no”. Not for the reasons that I tell other people “no” but because he is the single most incredible man I know (in the most little sister, love him and his family like their my very own flesh and blood loving way). Secondly because I find it is in the most uncomfortable moments that we grow in life so I decided to be uncomfortable for a couple of days and stretch myself.

I had a great meeting with him. He is one of those people that I can talk about the broadest of ideas with- global issues, current affairs that are stemming from personal agendas, individuals soul repairing, and a hundred of others. He will run off on tangents of poverty stricken areas of the world and our small part in it or entertain me with the various situations he is struggling with God through and grappling with Him to believe for which always propels me in a new, brighter direction by the end of the whole scene. I love him for that and a thousand many more things.

I was leaving out the driveway when I saw a gal named Julie that I love very much as well. She owns her own landscaping business and hires recovering drug and alcohol addicts to work for her. I met Julie at a Homeless Breakfast Outreach (at Healing Place) and she stole my heart. She is Italian which might be one of the reasons I love her but she also challenges me in ways I rarely find in most other people. She has zeal for life and serves others in a way completely unmatched by anyone I know. She spurs me to be my best and give my all, which I very rarely do in every situation and she most certainly does with every breath. I took my sandals off and ran through the yard to see her. (You can call me a hippie at this point) She laughed and started telling me how she was tired and barely got any sleep the night before and I just beamed from ear to ear and listened like a towel collecting water- soaking up my every second with her.

To my surprise I turned to see Susan and Kayla approaching us. They had driven up the drive and saw me frolicking through the yard to see Julie. They were as ecstatic to see me as I was to see Julie and we all laughed at how much joy was flowing through our conversation and moment with one another. “A little bit of sunshine to brighten my day” Susan said to me as she twirled her leg back and forth the way she does in excitement. She really has no clue how she does the very same to me but we play a great game of trying to express this mutual affection for one another; which always makes for a great argument of who loves who more.

We reveled in the moment, took some pictures since I had my friends most wonderful camera in my car and then said our goodbyes. In a long, lingering sort of way. I was off to the next spot. My day being scheduled down to the minutes these days, I was off to drop my friends camera back off to her at the church and then head to get some writing done at the coffee shop.

I called Leugh to come and meet me when I hurriedly pulled up to the Arena. I sat my computer on the table and put all the pictures I took on her camera onto my computer. We chatted about what we were both doing for Thanksgiving. Her going to her families lunch and I going with my grandparents to Alexandria, population 15 with a Waffle House in the next town and possibly a Kmart if you keep driving through to the next one. It is a terrible place but it is for the family and its the holidays and all. I hugged her bye and that is when I started heading out the door to the next spot.

I was hastily walking past the chairs in the Arena, all strategically and meticulously placed in their correct spots. This familiar song was playing in the background and I heard the lyrics saying,

“slow down… slow, down…

It happens in a blink, it happens in a blink

and I do not want to miss a second more of this.”

I almost could not take my breath in right. I felt so convicted, so naked before the Truth of the words. Like a man from some audience pointing his finger at me and saying, “hey you, I am talking to you, can you hear me? SLOW DOWN”.

Like a child being caught for running by the pool, I did just that. I literally slowed down my pace, to half the speed I was going. I looked over my right shoulder to the clock by the soundboard and it read 11.23.2010 space 1:43:43. I looked at the clock in just the knick of time to see it read 1:43 and in a second it clicked to 1:44 then 1:45. (You know my story of 1:43). I almost fell over. My whole self became aware that I was not in a rush at all. In fact, why was I hustling to get out of this moment and into the next one anyway? I was fully aware that the only place I needed to be was right where I was right now. It was a beautiful moment and I let myself take it fully in, knowing that in an instant it was going to be the past. I cherished that whisper of 1:43 and realized that indeed my Father can talk to the me at any point in a thousand ways in every moment of my day.

I got into my car with my mind mulling it all over. I turned the radio down to silence and I repeated the song in my head over and over….

“Slow down, slow down…

Before today becomes our yesterday”

“It happens in a blink, it happens in a blink”

I realized I have this awful complex of not enjoying my moments and of wanting to be places I am not and of wanting to not be places I am because I think I need to be in other places.

It is terrible. Like when I was in high school and wanted to be in college and then in college I wanted to be in a job and then I was in School of Ministry at Healing Place and I thought I needed to be doing something different with my life and then when I lived in Swaziland and I would see some Indian person walking by and wanted to be in India instead of on the mission field right where my feet were planted in that moment., that season. Then getting back to America and wanting to be back in Africa and then working in Donaldsonville and wanting to be back in Africa. And on and on. See! Where’s the dang contentment? Where’s the fulfillment in where I am RIGHT NOW, with WHO I am with and DOING what it is that He is leading me to DO right NOW?

I must be missing a thousand moments wanting to be in one that does not exist.

Like this book I am writing for instance. One would think I am thrilled. That I am overflowing with Joy and barely able to sleep at night because I am writing a book of my life and the story of God that has been laced through my entire being day in and day out for the last 28 years but noooooooooo, I want to be a ninny and be thwarted with why I am doing this and others are doing that and how I feel less than because it all looks so different. BULL! Since when is what God tells me to do supposed to be cleared through the rest of the population. And since when has what He commissioned me to do not been “good enough”. One would think that if she has a season to do what makes her come alive most (writing) then she would just be happy as a fat kid with cake. But nooooooo, discontentment wants to rule.

I wonder what makes me this delusional person that is misguided by her ideals and lacking sight of what’s real? (not abiding in His presence) That very real ideal that is perfect for her right now- is the NOW that is right where she is, not a step forward or back or to the left or to the right but right here and now, in this place in time- that is the perfection that she has been searching for.

I do not want to miss ANY moment just because I am itching for something, anxious or misguided by the inclinations of others. What a terrible thing, to miss the moments He has for you because of wanting what others plan for you or what you feel is best for you- disregarding what is right in front of you.

Lord I pray that you would INGRAIN THIS INTO MY VERY BEING. TATTOO IT ON MY HEART. TO JUST BE WITH YOU NOW.

SELAH!

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